I now look back with nostalgia on the days when we used to joke that if mobile phones got any smaller we wouldn’t be able to find them in our pocket. These days the damn things are only getting bigger. The same thing is happening to our tablets and even to our monitor screens. It seems we like our technology super-sized, as if bigger automatically means better. I’m not so sure.
With some high-tech gizmos, going large makes sense. Take TVs, for example: the bigger the screen, the more immersive your programmes and films, and were it not for my wife’s concerns about interior décor, I’d have the biggest one money could buy. But a monitor? I sit roughly two feet away from the thing. If it’s larger than 24 inches, I have to turn my head to see the corners.
The trend for bigger tablets is just as ridiculous. Initially, the whole point of tablets was that they were compact and easy to carry, but were great for browsing the web, playing games and watching TV. Why make one that’s effectively a laptop with no keyboard that you can’t comfortably hold with one hand?
It’s smartphones, however, where things are really getting stupid. We used to think that a few people needed a halfway house between a phone and tablet – the horrifically named ‘phablet’ – but now everyone wants that bigger screen. I’d agree that the early iPhones and Android phones were a bit too small, but I still don’t understand how we got from there to here. Five inches is increasingly the norm, while the latest phablets are packing 5.5- to 6-inch screens. Who needs a phone that big?
Let’s look at this sensibly. Sure, those whopping screens are great for watching videos, but ergonomically they’re a disaster. Try to use one one-handed, and your fingers can’t wrap around the phone and hit the virtual keys unless they are longer than ET’s. This leaves you with a phone you always have to use twohanded, prodding away with a finger even when all you want to do is make a call.
And when you do make a call, you feel a plonker, holding up some vast slab of aluminium, glass and plastic to your ear. With the old iPhones you could phone someone discreetly, but with these monster-phones there’s no chance of that. They’re the technology equivalents of a Range Rover Evoque – showing off that you’ve got money to burn and that you’re not afraid to think bigger than those small-minded souls with their tiny, lightweight phones. Well, bully for you.
Plus, while phones are getting bigger, I haven’t noticed the same thing happening to trouser pockets. As someone who writes about tech I’ve tried a few super-sized phones, but it’s always the weight and heft of them in my pocket that gets to me, as the corners dig into places where I’d rather corners didn’t, or occupy so much space that there’s no room for my keys. Just try to get one of these whoppers out in a hurry: one minute you’re trying to squeeze your fingers into the pocket, the next you’re desperately trying to tug both hand and phablet out. Struggle too long and you’ll get some odd looks and possibly fall foul of indecency laws. Does that really sound like a good idea?
It speaks volumes to me that several perfectly intelligent people I know have bought smartwatches, purely because it means they won’t have to pull out their pricey big-screen phones any more. Seriously. You spend £400 to £600 on a phone then need a £300 accessory to avoid using it? Doesn’t this tell you something has gone wrong? Let’s stop this madness now and let phones be phones and tablets be tablets. Let’s turn our back on the phablet menace before it’s all too late.