Is any device as annoying yet as necessary as the PC mouse? I’ve tried to use touchpads and flirted with touchscreens. I’ve even used a trackball in my time. Yet, when it comes to controlling Windows, I just can’t kick the mouse habit.
Sure, I know that keyboard shortcuts can be faster, but when I launch programs, make selections or choose options from a dropdown menu, my brain just goes into autopilot and starts clicking. When I pull out a laptop to work on my kitchen table, I still plug in a mouse within minutes. I’ve even bought one for the Windows 10 tablet I use away from home, because I can’t bear to do any serious work without one.
And yet mice have always meant trouble. My first rodent was an expensive add-on for the ZX Spectrum which never worked with the primitive art package it was supposed to. My second, for the Commodore Amiga, had a dodgy button and needed almost constant cleaning. This in itself was a nightmare, as the little ball you had to pull out would invariably hop out of my hands and roll under the sofa. Even the early two-button mice that plugged into my first PC’s serial port were problematic, refusing to work on a range of surfaces and constantly hoovering up dirt, hair and gunge from what seemed like a pretty clean desk.
I remember my excitement at the first Microsoft ergonomic mice. At last, you had a mouse that was comfortable to use and actually worked as soon as you plugged it in – a rarity with the ‘plug and pray’ USB support of the time. Even these gave you problems, however – the pointer would become increasingly unresponsive, and the buttons would stick when they should have clicked.
Today’s laser mice are so much better, but I’m not sure technology has always headed in the right direction. At some point, someone decided that two buttons wasn’t enough, so mice started arriving with a multitude of clickers, sliders and touch-sensitive surfaces, none of which seem to do anything useful. Seriously, putting a ‘back’ button where my thumb rests? Did anyone really think that one through? And while I can’t stop using the scroll wheel, I hate myself every time. It may aggravate my carpal tunnel, but it’s just so damned convenient.
Wireless mice, meanwhile, are a recipe for a disaster. For some reason, people who’d never dream of unplugging a wired mouse don’t think twice about borrowing your wireless equivalent. And then, without fail, they lose the little USB dongle. Even if you keep that safe, the batteries always seem to go on the blink when you’re doing something vital, at which point you realise it’s 10.30pm and all the shops are shut. I’m sure I’m not the only person who takes the battery out, gives it a shake and puts it back again in the hope that it’ll give it another hour of life. Come on, perfidious rodent, you work fine for a year then fail me now?
I’ve tried Bluetooth mice as well, but I’ve noticed that these have an unhelpful tendency to fall asleep at a moment’s notice then refuse to wake, like a lazy employee who slopes off for a chat around the water cooler if not constantly given things to do.
I hope that one day there will be a replacement. The big, plug-in touchpads aren’t as speedy or as accurate, and while touchscreens are fine for running apps, have you ever attempted to edit a Word document or Excel spreadsheet with one? Maybe one day some smart eye-tracking or mind-control device will render the mouse obsolete. Until then, you’ll find me craned over my keyboard wailing “will no-one rid me of this miserable mouse?” Stuart Andrews